The No Games File

This is that little extra filing cabinet where a website owner-writer can speak his piece and say what’s on his mind about all sorts of things that have nothing to do with the intended content of the site (games and puzzles). It is where I can put my published articles not relating to games, along with unpublished articles, including some satire and humor. And, in today’s vernacular, I guess it’s also my personal blog spot where I can air my musings, my comments, commentary & criticisms — whatever strikes my fancy. You’ll find a mixed bag here, serious and silly, non-fiction and fiction. Scroll down and enjoy (or not). You may learn something about me. Or you may just learn something.

My published articles can be found on separate pages in the No Games File:

Click on the title below to be taken to the article.

• What Is Barbershop Harmony?
• What is Curling?
• Women in Sports
• Faye Kellerman
• Real Tennis – Court Tennis
• Collecting Glass: A Window to the Past
• There is No Santa Claus
• Chanukkah–A Festival of Lights
• My Favorite Place - La Tour-de-Peilz, Switzerland
• Bruce & Sybille Whitehill’s Photo Guide

Here’s what you’ll find on this page:

(Do a “Command F” to search a title below)

Yet-to-be-published:

• Driving School
• The Television Pharmacy
• CONSUMER WATCH – the Good, the Bad and the Questionable
• On Getting a Drivers License

And

Saying Stuff (Opinions & Criticisms):

• Some things don’t change: “The Merry Minuet”
• Time Change into Darkness
• Capital Punishment
• Vigilante Justice
• I paid (and didn’t pay) a bribe
• IRAQ, 1992 – 1993:
  • A Dangerous Game
  • Questions about this War
  • The Big Freeze (We should invade Canada)
  • Rules of the Game
  • The Truth Doesn’t Matter

Plus comments.

• Cypress Gardens & Legoland

And, in the Words of Others:

Nov. 2004

I spent my first day in driving school:  AARP’s “Alive at 55”.  However, it has been a long, long time since most of the students have seen age 55.  Two used walkers and one had oxygen.  If, while driving, these students were forced into a situation requiring a rapid defensive maneuver, I would guess the reaction time would average from 12 minutes to two days.

Our instructor tried to cover all the bases by discussing “Addressive Drivers”—you know, the ones that partake in or incite road rage; how aging affects “Perifial Vision”; and how certain exercises can lead to dizziness or a loss of “conscienceness”.  He showed us “pitchers” of accidents and spoke of the difficulty in driving with “Arthur-itis”.

The two men in the class, myself included, were told to avoid the “Damsel in Distress” stranded on a lonely highway, because she may have a boyfriend in the back seat, ready to jump us; or the woman might just shoot us herself.

In the middle of all this, the instructor read us something that was “not in the book”–the book being a manual from which he read for hours, word for word.  He proceeded to read an essay entitled, something like, “I am your flag”, written in the first person, through which the American flag told us how it used to be respected but no longer is, but we should respect it again, “for one nation, under god, and for justice for all”.  When done, he passed out the photocopied black and white sheet, explaining it was suitable for framing.

I have another five-hour class tomorrow, in the interest of being awarded a certificate of completion (perhaps also suitable for framing) that gives me a 5% ($62) discount on my insurance for who-knows-how-many years.

Do you think I’m looking forward to it?

 

The Television Pharmacy

Nov. 2002

I’m pretty healthy. At least I used to think so. Now, I’m not sure what grave maladies are lurking just below the surface. Television ads by pharmaceutical companies are telling me my heartburn may be a serious condition where my esophagus is corroding, soon to dissolve in a pool of acid. In spite of a thick head of hair for my age (56), I wonder if I should take some medication or consider pre-emptive hair replacement therapy before I wake up one morning and find it all gone.  When I look at my aging skin, I fear my hands and face may turn into one big blemish if I don’t use the proper skin cream on time, and I question whether drugs to maintain a healthy liver means I won’t get any liver spots. And when I wake up tired and moody, maybe it’s really clinical depression that needs to be treated by some drug–I don’t know, I’m too depressed to tell. And the pharmaceutical companies are saying I need to ask my doctor whether certain medicines are right for me, when the ad doesn’t even tell me what the drug is for. Just how many illness might I have that I don’t yet know about? Even the ads about insomnia are worrisome enough to keep me up at night. After an evening of television watching, I’m so concerned about my health that I do the only thing a person in my condition can do: I take two aspirins and go to bed.

 

CONSUMER WATCH – 

the Good, the Bad and the Questionable

by Bruce Whitehill

Consumer Watch © 2003/2011 by Bruce Whitehill
Publication without permission is prohibited.

MILES WHILE THEY LAST

Various packs of Kellogg’s cereals have coupons for 100 American Airlines Frequent Flyer miles. In checking the expiration date, I noticed I was well within the allotted time period, but cringed when I read “or when all supplies are exhausted.” Does that mean that American Airlines might run out of frequent flyer miles?!?

A MEAL FIT FOR A …?

Old Fashioned Kitchen, Inc., lists the serving size of Golden Cheese Blintzes as “1 Blintz.” That’s just over 2 ounces. Since the company says, “Serve them as a main dish, a side dish, or even a snack,” we assume the indicated serving size is more the snack kind than something that would pass for lunch or dinner. One blintz? Bet’cha can’t eat just one.

NESTING TOOTHPASTE BOXES

A shrink-wrapped package of Colgate toothpaste contained two large boxes of toothpaste, one marked “Free.” However, the tube of free toothpaste was a small one, in its own small box, nestled INSIDE the larger box!

MORNING WAKE-UP CALL: “A CUP OF EXCEDRIN PLEASE”

Running late this morning? Forget the day-breaking cup of coffee and take two Excedrin–there’s more caffeine in those two little pills than in a cup of instant coffee. If you want to lose weight at the same time, one Dexatrim tablet has two to four times the caffeine of coffee–the same you’ll get from two NoDoz tablets. And if you want to start your day with a carbonated kick, a Mountain Dew or slightly more than a can of diet Coke should equal what you get from your usual morning brew.

A FRUIT BY ANY OTHER NAME MIGHT TASTE AS SWEET

Life Savers’ “Fruit Juicers” are advertised as being made “with real fruit juice.” And they are indeed. But all the various Life Saver flavors, such as the “artificially flavored” strawberry, are made not with juice of the designated flavor but with pineapple juice concentrate.

CHAP STICK VS. INSECT BITE RELIEF

If you’ve got both of these in your pocket, look carefully before you reach in and then slide some over your lips.

PET PEEVES

One mail order catalog is offering the “Cat-Can,” a $5.98 device that will help you train your cat to use a toilet. The kit includes “herbs attractive to cats” and a “specially designed training seat.” The ad says nothing about whether the cat can also be taught to flush.

JUMPING ON THE MICROWAGON

Now that the time-saving microwave oven has become the prime cooker in many kitchens, more food manufacturers have been hyping their products as being suited to quick, microwave cooking.

In some cases, the time saved over stove-top cooking may be inconsequential. On boxes of Nabisco’s “Quick Cream of Wheat,” there is a double emphasis on the product’s suitability for the microwave: “Easy Microwave Directions” and “Easy to Microwave!…perfect for people on the go…with less waiting time.” Range-top cooking of Cream of Wheat requires boiling some water, adding the Cream of Wheat, and stirring periodically for two-and-a-half minutes. Microwaving calls for mixing the cereal with the water first, then cooking for one minute, and then stirring two to four times during the one- to two-minute cooking cycle.

Until someone invents a timed stirrer to work inside the microwave, the process of “open door, remove bowl, stir, replace bowl, close door, restart microwave,” along with an early morning microwave buzzer going off every thirty seconds, doesn’t seem a suitable alternative to the “old-fashioned” stove-top method.

Similarly, standard directions for making Moroccan Couscous soup, manufactured by the Spice Hunter, call for adding boiling water to the instant soup container. The special “Microwave Directions” tell you to boil water in another container in the microwave, and then add it to the soup container.

THE DEAD NEED NOT COMPLY

Persons called to jury duty in states such as New Jersey are not required to serve if they are dead. Instruction number 7 on the form for the section pertaining to “Disqualified or exempt from Jury Service” tells you what to do: “Deceased–Indicate and return.”

CAR RENTAL INSURANCE

If you own a major credit card, or if you have coverage under your own auto insurance policy, you may be covered for collision, theft, or vandalism when you rent a car. Check first before paying the high premiums (up to $12 a day) that car rental companies might want to attach to your bill.

CAN YOU LIVE WITHOUT IT?

One of the nice things about a playing card is that you can read the face of it either side up. That’s why we find it odd that one company is selling a “revolving card holder” ($3.95 through Carol Wright gifts). I guess the idea is to be able to bring either the unused pack or the discard pile two inches closer to the player whose turn it is. You could always save the $3.95 and change seats after each turn.

WHERE ARE THE OTHER TWO THAT COULD FIT IN THE BOX?

WHAT!? YOU DIDN’T WIN?!?

The grand prize winner for the Reader’s Digest Sweepstakes which closed on March 1 took home five million dollars. According to the small print in the sweepstakes literature the popular magazine sent out in the early part of the year, the odds of that happening were approximately one in 199,500,000!

THE OVER-THE-SHOULDER AWARD

The Safe-It-All™ money pouch, advertised in the catalogs, “nestles invisibly” under a coat and holds various valuables. A useful device, perhaps, and it may well be the “thoughtful gift” its manufacturers advertise. What has us looking over our shoulder is the advertiser’s other comment: they tout the belt as “almost a necessity for those who practice the urban lifestyle.”

SIGN OF THE TIMES

The new, revised edition of the classic 1960 game “Lie Detector” was revamped by Mattel Toys in 1990 and sold to Pressman Toys. All the characters who smoked cigarettes in the 1960 edition are now non-smokers. The professions are the same except for one–the “Teacher” from the ’60s edition has been eliminated–replaced in the 1990s’ version by a “Psychic Reader.”

NOTHING TO SNEEZE AT

Kimberly-Clark is offering a deal on each box of 175-count Kleenex tissues. The part of the box top that you remove to get access to the tissues reads, “Save 20¢. Coupon on reverse side.” When you remove the piece, the underside informs you that it’s a 20¢ discount on two boxes. And, it means that if you buy two boxes to use the one coupon, you now have another coupon, for which you have to buy two more boxes, which give you two more coupons, requiring four more boxes, which means….

SCRATCH OFF AND GET — NOTHING SPECIAL!

The popular gimmick consisting of scratching off the coating of a box on a game card to see what you’ve won was used in the recent Mobil/MCI “Great Gas Giveaway.” Hidden under a “scratch-off” coating on a Mobil/MCI promotion card was a “20%” figure, giving one the sense that the “Savings Bonus” was a special amount the lucky player had just won. But a special MCI “Friends & Family” promotion entitled anyone who registered for the program to a 20% discount.

BAD DESIGN

In German, the word for “bath” is “Bad.” Which is bad enough enough — but if you mark your products with words that can read differently in English, this is an example of what you can get. Max Bahr is a leading hardware store in Germany, and they carry their own brand of  bathroom accessories.

SAVE A TREE–WATCH TV

A company called Genesis Infinity is promoting what it calls “the fireplace of the future.” It’s a 30-minute video of a fire burning in a fireplace. Just think: no work, no smoke, no mess, (and no heat). The only problem is you can’t have the fire and watch Survivor at the same time.

X-RAYTED ADVERTISING

For years now a number of firms have been marketing special film envelopes and cases that protect film from damage they say is caused by airport x-rays. These lead-lined cases are protective, but are they necessary? A catalog offering a product called “Film-Safe” reads, “Airport security x-rays will streak and fog your film.” The ad begins with the comment, “You know it’s true when Kodak prints a warning on each carton of its new high speed films!” High speed films–those with an ASA of 1000 or more–may be affected by multiple exposure to x-rays, especially by less sophisticated equipment in use in outposts far from western civilization. But the ad for Film-Safe, though it circles the warning on a carton of 1000-speed film, pictures rolls of ASA 64 loaded into the Film-Safe. A spokesman from Kodak says that four exposures to x-rays (two round trips or one trip with a change of planes) will not harm any film of ASA 400 or lower–the films used by nearly all non-professional photographers. Also, though the ad notes you can ask that your film be inspected by hand, “arousing suspicion and causing delays!”, if the Film-Safe keeps x-rays from passing through the lead-lined case, wouldn’t careful security personnel inspect the case by hand anyway? Our film may not need this $19.95 protection as much as consumers need to be protected from ads selling these unnecessary devices.

900 GUARANTEES

Various companies are guaranteeing credit cards to any person, regardless of credit history. All you have to do is dial a 900 number–at a charge sometimes of around $10 for the call–and you will be approved for a VISA or MASTERCARD. What you won’t learn until you spend the $10 on the call (numbers like 900-420-8089) is how much the annual fee is for that card, what your interest rates will be, and whether the interest starts to accrue from the moment you make your purchase or approximately ten days after you’ve received your bill.

PRESS ONE, PRESS TWO, PRESS THREE, GOOD-BYE

No one likes the automated answering services, but it looks as though we’re stuck with them. Try calling U-Haul after hours. You dial the required 11 digits (1-800-468-4285). The mechanical voice directs you through four choices, then tells you that if you have a question about your rental or contract and need to speak with customer service, you should press another (your twelfth) digit. You press. A second machine voice first offers you another choice, then tells you if you wish to speak to a customer service representative you need to press another digit. You press. Finally, thirteen digits and seven directives later, if it is after hours, a third roboton tells you the offices are closed and to call back or check your phone book. Thank you. Good-bye.

GALL OF THE YEAR AWARD

One enterprising individual claims to have a device or system that prevents bothersome computerized phone solicitations in your home. How does he sell it? He has a computer call your phone; a recording explains that if you want to stop being bothered by calls such as his, you should contact his company and you will be told how this can be accomplished. The call (900-226-GOLD) will cost you $19.95.

SAFETY CLUB

An anti-theft device for automobiles is being touted on TV by a police officer who claims a large steering wheel locking device called “The Club” will thwart most potential car thieves. The officer gives the impressive–and astonishing–figure that every day “one in forty-two cars is stolen or vandalized.” “The Club” will not prevent vandalism, of course, so we’d like to hear the less impressive figure for just stolen cars.

GOOD TOXIC TOFFEE

Toxic Toffee ™ may not sound like the most appetizing edible, but it is actually a very palatable “gourmet air-popped popcorn” coated with butter toffee. The tasty treat has no preservatives or tropical oils and no artificial flavoring or coloring. If the name of the product makes you stop and think, so does the name of the company: the New Jersey Junk Food Company (PO Box 370, Raritan, NJ 08869).

SAY CHEESE

One of the more practical snack products to arrive in recent years is the “cracker and cheese” dip: about the size of a small yogurt cup, one container advertises the contents as “a cheese spread and crackers,” and makes the claim, “With real cheese.” We checked the content listing and, sure enough, one of the ingredients was real cheddar cheese–but it wasn’t in the cheese spread, which had no cheese whatsoever–it was one of the ingredients in the cracker.

CAR WASH GUARANTEE

Buckman’s car wash, with stations throughout Rochester, New York, offers four levels of wash, each two dollars more than the level before. Basic wash is $4.95; the $6.95 Super Seal washes also under the car; and a Super Shine for $8.95 includes a special wheel wash and a protective coating. What cleaning and protection, you may wonder, can “The Works,” priced at $10.95, add to all that? Nothing! “The Works” is exactly the same as the Super Shine, except it comes with a five-day guarantee (instead of 24-hours). So, for the price of more than two basic washes you can rewash your car within five days. Is this a deal, or what!?

THIS WAY OUT: NO EXIT

If there isn’t a law against locking one of a pair of exit doors, even if the door next to it opens, there should be. How many times have you come across a double exit door in a store or public building where one of the two doors was locked? Isn’t a locked exit door a fire hazard? Maybe if we create enough noise as we bang into doors that fail to yield to our push, store and building owners will get wise.

PET PEEVES: SIT DOWN AND BE COUNTED

You can’t fault a movie-goer for leaving the theater when the end credits start rolling, but why do people stand up and then not leave? Those sitting behind have to peer over and around various body parts to find out where the movie was filmed, what the titles of the musical numbers were, who was thanked, or what bit actors had that walk-through part near the end.

FREE FILM FOR A PRICE

A TV promotion offers a 35mm camera for $19.95 plus $4 postage and handling and includes “100 rolls of free film with processed purchasing.” Of course, what the consumer hears is the “free film.” The “processed purchasing” part means that you must develop all your film through a particular company, and the “free” replacement film is included in the price of processing. And if you call 800-423-0800 for the “Nippon” camera offer, they will be unable to tell you the cost of said processing.

PHONE HOME

The easiest and least expensive way of calling the U.S. from Europe is to purchase a local, international phone card after you get over there; cards were available in most kiosks and stationery stores. Calls to the U.S. were always 25 cents a minute or less, with no connection fees, and cards could be bought in denominations equal to about $5 U.S. On your last call home, say “good-bye” early, then just continue to talk until the card runs out and you’re disconnected.

DETAILS ON BACK

Why do some companies include in a large ad a small coupon that explains their offer on one side, leaving space on the opposite side for your name and address? When you fill in your information and mail the coupon, you’re mailing them also the details of the offer, retaining nothing to remind you what the company has promised. Don’t they want you to remember their “special offer”— especially that money back guarantee?

STOP SHOVING

When driving recently, we found ourselves behind a dump truck that had large letters stenciled on the back of the truck, “DO NOT PUSH.” How many people, we wonder, have ever thought of trying to push a dump truck?

FACE LIFT

In the March/April, 2002, issue of Amtrak’s magazine, “Arrive,” these (enclosed) “Before” and “After” pictures showed the virtues of cosmetic dentistry. The procedure, apparently, not only fixes and whitens your teeth but also straightens and beautifies your hair and eyebrows, improves your complexion, gives a richer skin tone, opens your eyes more, and makes your lips fuller. Sign me up!!

CHECK THIS!

Yelow-Page.net is only one of many companies that sends small businesses a real check in the mail. When you cash the $3.50 check, you are agreeing to allow this Yellow Pages website company to debit the account in which you deposit your check (or bill you on your phone bill) $17.95 a month! That comes to $215.40 for the year, which means that even if you do want your business to be listed on the Yellow Pages website, you’re getting a “discount” of less than 2%.

INSURING MAIL ORDER PURCHASES

When you buy something through the mail, you expect it to arrive soon after being ordered, and to arrive in good condition. Yet more and more catalog companies are including an insurance charge of approximately $1.25 to insure your order against damage during shipping. Isn’t it their problem (and expense) to make sure you get what you ordered undamaged? Should you pay the charge or cross it out and deduct it from the total? We’ll explain your legal rights next issue.

COSMETIC DENTISTRY

In the March/April issue of Amtrak’s magazine, Arrive, “Before” and “After” pictures showed the virtues of cosmetic dentistry. The procedure, apparently, not only fixes and whitens your teeth but also straightens and beautifies your hair and eyebrows, improves your complexion, gives a richer skin tone, opens your eyes more, and makes your lips fuller. Sign me up!!

NEXT WEEK: CLEANING WITH NOISE

Many years ago, one of the major vacuum cleaner companies put out a heavy duty model with a much quieter engine – just what every house cleaner wants. Or so you would think. But consumers associated the loud hum of the vacuum with power, and the more ear-pleasing, equally-powerful model bombed. Is it still the same today, or can consumers find a good vacuum offering a maximum of cleaning with only a modicum of clamor? We’ll tell you next issue.

SCRATCH & SNIFF HOLOGRAMS

Not too long ago “Scratch & Sniff” magazine ads offered one of the first innovations in “interactive” advertising. Consider the perfume ads which allowed you to scratch a section of the page to reveal the scent of the perfume? And what about holograms? Touted as being the imagery of the future, consumers were given holograms on magazine covers and Visa cards and promised them on all sorts of packaging; the 3-D images could provide, literally, an in-depth look at a manufacturer’s product. Kellogg’s marketed Frosted Flakes with a free hologram on the box, as did a few companies making everything from cookies to cologne. When was the last time you saw a hologram on anything but a cereal box or found a Scratch & Sniff box for any product other than perfume? Did these gimmicks prove to be too early for a wave of the future, or just too costly? Maybe the advertisers need to join forces and give us Scratch & Sniff Holograms. We’ve given some ad execs the third degree, and next issue we’ll take a look – and a whiff – at this new adform.

———————————————————————–

If you have a comment or a complaint, a quip or a question about a product or service, or if you’ve seen an advertisement that is good, bad, or questionable enough to reprint, write us (or send the ad). Sorry, but we cannot respond personally nor acknowledge correspondence.

 

I LOVE CORN (or, as the Brits say, sweet corn)

 

On Getting a Drivers License

When I moved from New York state to Rhode Island, I finally went to the dreaded Department of Motor Vehicles to get my Rhode Island drivers license. It took a year!

It all started 12 years before that when I got a ticket on the New Jersey Turnpike for “illegal use of high beam.” (I admit, I was flashing oncoming traffic to warn of a radar trap ahead, and there was a second State Police car waiting for such actions.) This happened on the day I was leaving New Jersey, where I had lived for a number of years, and moving to upstate New York. Because the high beam charge was so ludicrous and I was leaving Jersey for good (otherwise I would have gone to court to fight it) I never paid the fine. I became a resident of New York, all the time unaware that my license in NJ had been suspended. Had I known, I may not have cared anyway. I got my New York license and kept getting it renewed without any difficulty. When I applied for my RI license some ten years later, I filled out all sorts of papers, wrote my check out, waited on line (as always) for what seemed like forever, and then was told the department could not issue a license because my license was suspended in NJ.

I contacted the appropriate department in NJ, and they told me I had to mail in my 11-year-old fine, which was now up to $79. I did. Then I went back to the RI DMV, filled out all sorts of papers, wrote my check out, waited on line, and was told they still couldn’t issue me a license because my license was still suspended in NJ (the computers give no information beyond that), in spite of the fact that I paid the fine. So I go home and call New Jersey Dept. of Motor Vehicles, and tell them that I paid my $79 fine 13 months ago. They ask if I sent proof to them. I said, send what proof to whom. She says I paid the fine to the Police Department of the municipality that issued the ticket, and now I need to send proof of that payment to the Motor Vehicle Dept. Along with a $100 fee for reinstating my license. I say I don’t want my license reinstated in New Jersey. She says I have to have it reinstated there before any other state will issue me a license. She asks for my license number and New Jersey address. I tell her it was twelve years ago and I can’t remember my NJ license number or my address! And I haven’t got proof of that payment to the police department–that was 13 months ago. She says, sorry, it’s still on the books. I say, after 11 years? Isn’t there some sort of statute of limitations? No.

OK, she puts me on hold. My NJ phone call, which is not toll free, is now approaching an hour, having begun with 15 minutes on hold before I ever reached a human voice. The human comes back on the line and says they had confirmation of my paying the fine, and had a record of my license # and my old NJ address. All I needed to do was pay the $100 reinstatement fee. No credit cards. I sent a check in the next day, waited a few weeks (or was it months?) and went back to the RI DMV.

I brought my filled-out papers from last time, wrote a new check out, and waited on line. “I have been given assurances that my New Jersey license has been reinstated,” I said to the clerk, with equal assurance. “Yes, that’s been cleared up,” she said, “but now the computer shows me that your license has been suspended in New York.

I went home and phoned the NY DMV and was told they had suspended my license for failing to have my car insured. “But my car was insured the entire time until I left New York!” I cried, trying to remain calm. “Did you turn your license plates in?” she asked. I had left NY, registered the car in RI, got insurance in RI, and never bothered to tell NY or return my plates, since I figured everything would just expire eventually anyway. Now I had to send copies of my RI registration and insurance to NY, which I did, and they returned a letter saying my registration suspension had been rescinded. I went back to RI DMV.

With papers in hand and a new check, I waited on line. The teller took all my papers and then asked to see my Social Security card. I said I hadn’t seen a social security card since 1963, and I KNOW the social security cards read, “Not for Identification.” She said the DMV had issued a ruling the previous month requiring that a Social Security Card be shown in order for them to issue a license.

So I left and, without even attempting to look for my approximately 40-year-old Social Security Card, I applied for a new one. It finally came. It has now been a year since I first applied for my Rhode Island drivers license.

I go back to the RI DMV with my forms, my check, my Social Security Card and the letter from NY State. The clerk checks the computer and says it shows that my license is still suspended in NY. I show her my letter. She said the letter shows that they have rescinded the suspension order on my registration, not on my license. I need to contact NY DMV and get the suspension removed before she can issue a license. Oh, and by the way, she tells me the computer also shows my license is suspended in New Jersey. I tell her forget it, I’ll move to Massachusetts. She tells me I won’t be able to get a license there either, or in any of the 50 states, because they’re now all connected to the same computers. I say thank you and leave.

So I go home and first call NY DMV. There are no toll free numbers and I’m on the phone 45 minutes. Trying to stay calm. Now they tell me that although I sent them all the correct paper work, since I didn’t return my license plates to them, I need to pay a $25 “termination fee,” to close out the account. They switch me over to an accounting office so I could pay by credit card. She tells me that there will be an additional $5 fee to process the credit card. I was ready to explode, but I say OK. $30. Then she asks if I want confirmation that I paid the fee and that the license suspension will be rescinded. I say yes. She says that’ll be another $10. I blow up! Forget it! She says ok, but they can’t be responsible for what happens when the rescinding of suspension report goes to Washington D.C., since Washington has to deal with all 50 states. I say fine.

Weeks later, I went back to the Rhode Island Department of Motor Vehicles office, carrying my well-worn papers, an old check, my Social Security Card and letters from various state government offices. I got my Rhode Island license.

What makes me think this story is over….?

A few years later, I decided to move to Germany. I went to the local equivalent of the Department of Motor Vehicles to get a German license, since the short time allotted for using an American license had already passed. I showed the clerk my Rhode Island license. “I’m sorry,” he said, “we don’t have reciprocity with Rhode Island.” If I had lived in Massachusetts, I would have turned in my license and gotten a German one in exchange. Instead, now I had to take a full driving course, including the occasional class with young people who had never had a license before, and private practical instruction behind the wheel. I had to learn all the German laws—including some very good ones that require motorists to give way to busses leaving a bus stop and yield to pedestrians in a crosswalk and bicyclists approaching the crosswalk; the bicyclist bit was the tricky one, since you had to turn your head around like an owl before making a right turn, to be certain there were no bikes coming. In fact, during the test, you had to turn around even if you knew there was nobody anywhere near the intersection.

I also had to attend a life saving course, where we did mouth-to-mouth and other maneuvers on plastic dummies for a day (I must admit, it seemed like an excellent requirement.) And then I had to study about 100 mock exams (in English, thankfully!), with everything from insipid questions about stopping at a stop sign to highly technical queries about what to do if your tractor trailer has been parked for more that a week (and how far from what you’re allowed to park your trailer in a residential area). After this three-month process (and serious study I hadn’t done since college), I took the test. It was multiple choice.

But this wasn’t multiple choice like I knew multiple choice. You are given the usual four choices – but there may be more that one correct choice, and you’re not told how many correct choices there are! You had to get all of the correct choices in order to score for that question!

Luckily, I aced the test (no errors), and, after paying around $600 for the instruction and examination, I had to hand in my Rhode Island license and was handed a German one. With a the worst  picture I’ve ever seen of me — mainly because you’re not allowed to smile.

 

Saying Stuff

2011 • Changing Times? Maybe not.

“The Merry Minuet”

They’re rioting in Africa, they’re starving in Spain.
There’s hurricanes in Florida, and Texas needs rain.
The whole world is festering with unhappy souls.
The French hate the Germans, the Germans hate the Poles.
Italians hate Yugoslavs, South Africans hate the Dutch.
And I don’t like anybody very much!

 But we can be tranquil, and thankful, and proud,
For mans’ been endowed with a mushroom-shaped cloud.
And we know for certain that some lovely day
Someone will set the spark off, and we will all be blown away.

 They’re rioting in Africa, there’s strife in Iran.
What nature doesn’t do to us, will be done by our fellow man.

Sound like today? “The Merry Minuet” was written in 1953!
Written by Sheldon Harnick, it was later sung by the Kingston Trio and then Harry Belafonte.

Time Change into Darkness

2004

Except for Thanksgiving, does anybody like November? The leaves are going, the holiday rush is coming, and it’s dark. For months and months it has been getting darker and darker earlier and earlier. So what do we do? At the end of October we turn the clocks back an hour. Which makes it darker even earlier. Does that make any sense to anyone? It has something to do with WWII or the way farmers used to work or some kid that got hit by a car three decades ago walking to school on a country road in the dark of morning. What do they mean by “Daylight Savings Time”? Isn’t now the time we want to save daylight and use it up later in the afternoon so we don’t have to leave work in the darkness? Hawaii, Arizona and parts of Indiana don’t participate in this outdated ritual—maybe they know something the rest of us don’t.

 

Capital Punishment

“…To the eye, it looked as though he were in a convulsive agony.

“The current had been passing through his body for 15 seconds when the electrode at the head was removed.  Suddenly, the breast heaved.  There was a straining at the straps which bound him, a purplish foam covered the lips and was spattered over the leather headband.

“The man was alive….There was a startled cry for the current to be turned on again….The rigor of death came on the instant.  An odor of burning flesh and singed hair filled the room….

“Kimmler was dead.  Part of his brain had been baked hard.  Some of the blood in his head had been turned into charcoal.”

–from the New York World , 1889, detailing the first electrocution in U.S. history, in Auburn, New York.

It’s no wonder that in a country of such violence, the legalized killing of a human being is considered neither cruel nor unusual punishment.

 

Vigilante Justice

March 31, 1993
Letters to the Editor
Democrat and Chronicle
Rochester, NY 14614

Dear Editor,

I don’t know whether the police officers tried for criminal abuses are guilty or not.  What I do know is that the justice system is set up to determine their guilt or innocence based not on speculation but on evidence presented and refuted.  Based on what we, the public, read in the press or see on the news regarding any trial, we may not agree with the verdict, but the few minutes’ news synopsis we get can’t compare with the hours of testimony the jurors hear.  What do those who object to the verdicts propose?  Should defendants be tried in the media with convictions based on a public poll?  Should the accused be retried until a verdict is reached that offends the fewest people?  Or should we just return to vigilante “justice”?

 

I Paid (and Didn’t Pay) a Bribe

Some time in 2011, an Indian website, ipaidabribe.com,  spawned a series of others worldwide, in which people told their stories of having had to pay bribes to get something done. The idea of these websites is to stop this insidious corruption. In the spirit of this, I thought I would relate two quick stories from the long-ago past (1960s).

First off, actually I didn’t pay a bribe — my parents did. But it wasn’t a “bribe” then, it was a “payoff.” If I remember correctly, in order to work on a passenger ship in the USA (yes, the U.S. had its own luxury passenger liners back then), you had to have a Merchant Marine card, and in order to get a card, you had to have a job on a ship. Hmmm, maybe it wasn’t a bribe or a payoff but just payment or dues for a card. In any case, it paid off, and I spent two college summers traveling around the world as a porter/steward on passenger liners such as the S.S. Argentina, S.S. Independence and S.S. Brazil.

It was then that I learned what unions were all about. My card made me a member of the National Maritime Union. Jobs posted or called for had not only specific duties but specific times they were meant to be done. My job (low end clean-up stuff and food service to the crew), for example, called for working hours from 8 AM to 4 PM (discounting lunch, for this example). A standard eight-hour work day. However, the work that was needed had to be done between noon and 6 PM. So I only worked a six-hour day. And what a shock when my paycheck came: I was paid full wages for my 8-4 shift plus two hours’ overtime for my 4-6 work!

The other story, a corruption one, is one where I did not pay a bribe. I was traveling by station wagon through Algeria with four Canadians. We were college-age or a little older and very clean-cut (I might have had a short beard). When we wanted to leave Algeria to cross into Tunisia, we were stopped at the Algerian border and told to enter the border crossing officer’s office. He had us line up in front of his desk. He told us to empty our pockets, putting the contents on the desk. We did so, and there were soon five little piles of bills, coins and “pocket stuff” on his desk. With a sweeping motion of one hand, he pulled about half of the cash –not very much money — from the piles toward him and said, “Now you can go.” When we responded with such voiced objections as, “That’s our money!” he pushed the money back to us and said, “Now you can’t go.” He was very calm and undemanding.

We refused to pay and, after collecting the contents of our pockets, left and drove to another border crossing. As we approached in the car, the guard sitting outside got up, closed the shutters, went inside and closed and locked the door. There was no way in, no one to talk to. For a moment, we thought of just driving around the gate and running the border, but decided this was not the safest plan. We returned to the closest town, stayed overnight, and tried again the next morning, aiming for a much earlier time when there would be a different shift on duty. This time we succeeded without incident and were allowed to pass. There was another car there that had encountered the same difficulties the day before; only this time, they were stopped because the couple’s  entry visas had expired–the day before. We never found out what happened to them.

 

IRAQ, 1992 – 1993

A Dangerous Game
1993

Do you think a game and puzzles newsletter is not the place for an anti-war statement? Well, considering what a U.S. war in Iraq would do–-considering, in fact, what harm has already been done by Bush’s posturing-–any journal is a place where something could and should be said. Already, the image of the U.S. and its people has taken quite a hit around the world. We are no longer just “The Ugly American,” but have now taken on the image of the bellicose braggart, intent on writing the rules of the game, or playing alone. Already, the American economy and, indeed, the economies of some European powers, has suffered as a result of our preparation for war. Already, countless American families have been broken up as members have been called up and sent off to active duty.

The anti-war sentiment around the world, as well as here at home, should have sent a strong message to our President. But President Bush has made two things absolutely clear: 1) He wants a war with Iraq regardless of the position held by world leaders, world economists, and the world’s civilians; 2) He wants to topple the Saddam regime, which he feels he has a right to do as the President of the only remaining Superpower. This is a dangerous position to take–-more dangerous than any threat Iraq poses in the immediate future. These are the decisions of a man who had never been to Europe until he became President of the United States.
The polls show a range from little American support to overwhelming support for attacking Iraq. Whatever the numbers, why are so many Americans behind the President? The answer is linked to the climate of fear that has been carefully cultivated since 9-11. That, and the continued thirst for revenge. (As an aside, it seems that only in the U.S. could you find a book I’m Afraid, You’re Afraid: 448 Things to Fear and Why [Melinda Muse, Hyperion, NY, 2000]); and you should see Michael Moore’s film, “Bowling For Columbine,” in which the American documentary film maker attributes gun violence in America not to the abundance of guns as much as to the propagation of fear in this country.) If your neighbor had a basement full of weapons and was going to attack you while you were asleep, and your Neighborhood Watch leader was yelling “Attack! Attack!” wouldn’t you be in favor of an assault on your neighbor, if you couldn’t relieve him of his weapons? Possibly, but Iraq is not our neighbor-–it’s an ocean away; America never sleeps, as our defence systems are alert at all times; and we only think Iraq has weapons that would pose a threat.
Ever since he was elected to the power of the Presidency, Bush has taken his own stand, contrary to the world community, on trade, the environment, the International Criminal Court, and other issues. Do we really want the message we send to the world to be one in which we beat our chests, tell the world we are the only world power and the only one with true democracy, and state emphatically that we can stand alone, we don’t need anybody? Would you want to maintain a relationship with a bully “friend” with such an attitude?
Let’s forget for a moment that George Bush just happens to be an oil man from a big oil family. Let’s forget for a moment that a team of his key advisors had proposed an invasion of Iraq and the toppling of the Sadam regime even before Bush was elected to office. Let’s just look at why we should and why we shouldn’t go to war.
Let’s deal with the latter first.

Why the U.S. should not attack Iraq:

A pre-emptive attack on any country opens the way for any country to go to war using the excuse of self-defense, claiming that it knew the other country was going to attack it so they it to attack first.
We would love to retaliate for the attack on 9/11, but Iraq was not the country that sent planes into the World Trade Center or the Pentagon, and the terrorist core is not centered in Iraq.
Saddam is a tyrant, dictator, butcher and barbarian. But we have no right to go into another country to change a regime that we feel is unjust, without their being imminent danger to any population.
The “imminent” danger posed by Iraq is much less than it ever was. The President’s accusations against Iraq are pointed at instances and instigations that are between three and ten years old. Why are we looking to attack now?
The UN team in Iraq is actually making progress, finally, uncovering and destroying potential weapons materials. The more progress the teams make, the more insistent Bush becomes, arguing immediate, unattainable deadlines, which suggests he is more interested in seeing Saddam forced out of power than he is in seeing the disarmament work.
We have not seen the evidence Bush alludes to regarding the hidden weapons of mass destruction and the purposeful charade and hide and seek game being perpetrated by Iraq. Not only is there no smoking gun, there is no gun–-only a smokescreen being sent up by our President.
Leading American and world economists have speculated that a war against Iraq would be very hard on the economy at best, and devastating at worst. Disruption of oil flow has been a leading cause of previous recessions, and this war could have disastrous effects on the oil situation.
An attack on Iraq will fuel an induction of more radicals into the terrorists camps around the world than any other single event or any present policy. Though we should not avoid war because of a fear of retribution, we should not act impetuously and arrogantly in such a way as to incite more people against us.
Bush says an attack is acceptable because Iraq is not responding to U.N. resolutions. And yet, as Russia emphasized recently, if the U.S. attacks Iraq in the absence of U.N. support, then the U.S. is in violation of U.N. mandates. Is our breech more forgivable than Iraq’s?
Finally, the idea that not attacking Iraq is a sign of weakness, and the idea that protesting the war, as I am in this newsletter, is unpatriotic–-both these notions are full of the kind of machismo and bravado and chauvinism and jingoism that takes people from around the negotiating table and puts them on the battlefield. This stance is not a reason to go to war.

Why the U.S. should attack Iraq:

It would make our President very happy.

Iraq War

Our President has stated to the other countries of the world that, “If you’re not with us, then you’re against us.” At this time, Mr. President, that means much of the world is now against us.

As the weapons inspections in Iraq continued, the “clear and present danger” decreased, necessitating that the President order an early attack on Iraq, before any further progress would make such an attack reprehensible.

Letter to the Editor: Questions about this War
(Providence Journal, Providence, RI 02902):

3/18/2003

I need some help answering some questions about this war. If the weapons inspectors are still inspecting, finding, and destroying weapons materials, and while they are doing so, Iraq is being watched and contained, why would we now want to remove the inspectors and launch an attack? Since each night Sadam sleeps in a different place and we don’t know where he is, if we did attack, whom would we attack? The people? If we haven’t located the chemical weapons and missiles Bush insists are being hidden from us, then what are we going to bomb? The capital? If we haven’t identified any specific terrorists that are being harbored by Iraq, or have discovered the location of any terrorists, then whom do we strike when we strike? Could someone please explain to me, if we attack Iraq, exactly what are we attacking?

Sincerely,
Bruce Whitehill

The Big Freeze

Midnight, January 25, 2003

Temperatures have been dipping down to single digits during the night, and reaching only into the teens by day. Crops are freezing, the homeless are dying, poor families are finding themselves unable to pay the considerable expense required by continuous heating.

All of this icy cold air is coming down from Canada. Our government should act! We need to be prepared to launch an attack against Canada unless the cold air stops immediately. Considering Canada’s military capabilities, the United States should be able to secure a quick victory in the conflict. This would insure that the U.S. could begin forthwith in replacing Canadian forests with tarmac and buildings, to increase the amount of reflected heat generated from the landscape.

Canadian officials interviewed by the worldwide media have said that the country does not have any cold air generating plants. In an effort to avoid war, the U.N. should send in observers to determine from where these cold air masses are originating. If it is discovered that Canada is, in fact, producing weapons of mass cooling, the United States should immediately and unequivocally launch an attack. If the U.N. observers are unable to find any evidence, then we must assume that the cold air generators are well hidden, and that Canada is lying about not having any. Then we should attack anyway. In the past, Canada has sent many cold air masses into the United States, and there is every reason to believe it will continue to do so in the future.

Opponents to the attack on Canada are wrong in thinking this would be an attempt by the United States government to gain control of the rich pharmaceutical distribution industry in Canada, to endeavor to increase and fix Canadian pharmaceutical prices so they match those in the U.S. Furthermore, it is important to understand that this would not be an attack on the Canadian people, but merely an attempt to remove from power those factions that are creating this threatening situation for U.S. farmers, homeless people, and the poor.

Homeland security should be not just about safety, but about comfort and protection, and in pursuit of the warmth that every American has an entitlement to, the United States has the right to–and should–seek and destroy any ally of evil which brings cold and discomfort to the American people. Members of our National Guard have been called up in great numbers for deployment overseas; they should be called back and sent north immediately. We should seek support from our European allies, but if we get none, we need to stand strong and attack Canada anyway. This is the American way!

Rules of the Game

later 2003

No rational person wants nucular–-I mean, nuclear-–war. Iraq should be disarmed, as agreed upon in the terms of peace following Iraq’s defeat after their foray into Kuwait. Chemical and biological weapons should be removed from the clutches of a man ruthless enough to use them. But if you can’t attack the man, do you attack the people? If you haven’t located the weapons and the missiles you want removed from the country, then what are you going to bomb?! If you haven’t identified or located the terrorists, then whom are you going to attack? If the weapons inspectors are still inspecting–-and while they are inspecting there is absolutely no threat posed by Iraq–-why would you want to remove the inspectors? Why attack now?

I would hate to have someone take a shot at me because he thought I was carrying a gun and that I might use it. Our cowboy Leader is doing just that, as he tries to rule the world like a top gunslinger in the Old West. He keeps talking about freedoms and constitutions and democracy, and yet, having secured his place as high honcho of the land, he has just set himself up as prosecutor, and as judge, jury, and executioner.

The Truth Doesn’t Matter

Nov. 7, 2006

Whether the leaders of United States were justified in launching a war against Iraq because of alleged links to 911, or whether the invasion was a plan hatched much earlier, doesn’t matter.

Whether the foray into Iraq was well executed or not, doesn’t matter.

Whether or not the U.S. orchestrated the announcement of the sentencing of Saddam Hussein to coincide with the days running up to the American mid-term elections, doesn’t matter.

These are all events that are now a part of history, and history will judge. At this point, the truth doesn’t matter. What does matter is the perception of the truth—the perceptions of the Iraqis, the Arabs, the Muslims, and the rest of the world.

If so much of the world—including within the U.S.—considers what the country is doing to be unacceptable, unjust or questionable at best, then it must change what it is doing. The United States cannot change the perceptions of the world without changing its actions, and it won’t change its actions without changing its leaders. Without change, the U.S. may continue to be a world power, but it will lose its capacity to be a world leader.

Let’s see if the people voting in these elections get this one right.

Bruce Whitehill
(An American no longer living there)

 

Comments

November 2011

 Cyprus Gardens

One of the most beautiful sights in sunny Florida was Cyprus Gardens. It opened in 1936 as a botanical garden and became one of the biggest attractions in the state. It featured lush gardens and offered water skiing shows, with women parading around dressed in traditional garb of the Antebellum South. Cyprus Gardens was the site of many TV commercials, specials and movies, including a host of Esther Williams films in the 1950s and ’60s.

When the Walt Disney World Resort opened in nearby Orlando in 1971, tourists abandoned Cyprus Gardens for the new theme park. In the early 1980s, the owners retired, transferring the park to their son, who later sold out to Harcourt, Brace, Jovanovich, book publishers, who, in turn, sold out to Anheuser-Busch, the brewers, in 1989.  In 1995, a group of the park’s managers purchased the concern, but the park closed in 2003 after a continued decline in tourism, exacerbated by the 2001 terrorists attacks in the Northeast. According to Wikipedia, “529 people were put out of work with three days’ notice.” A grass-roots groups then raised funds to save the park, but changes in ownership, hurricanes and bankruptcy soon signaled the end of Cyprus Gardens. Eventually, it turned into an adventure park.

Finally, in 2010, it was bought by Merlin Entertainment, a large, world-wide theme park operator. They opened Legoland Florida on October 15th, 2011.

I’m wondering how much of the beautiful gardens remain. If you visit the park, please let me know!

Here is what may be my first good picture, ever. It was taken in Cypress Gardens in the 1960s.

 

And in the Words of Others…

“You do not go to war when it is one of the options but when it is the only option.” –E.L. Doctorow

“If one man offers you democracy and another offers you a bag of grain, at what stage of starvation will you prefer the grain to the vote?” –Betrand Russell

“There is perhaps no phenomenon which contains so much destructive feeling as “moral indignation,” which permits envy or hate to be acted out under the guise of virtue.” –Erich Fromm

And from The Little Prince

“Adults have a particular liking of numbers. If you tell them about a new friend, they never ask you the essential questions. They never ask: What does his voice sound like? What games does he love most of all? … But they ask: What is his age? How many brothers does he have? What is his weight? How much money does his father earn?”

The words of CBS-TV Executive Producer Don Hewitt, after the 1963 assassination of President Kennedy:

“….People did not go to church or to meetings. They came to their televisions, and everybody who was watching us was, in a sense, holding hands. They were saying, ‘Father Walter (Walter Cronkite), tell us everything will be okay.’ And ever since, the real TV clergymen have not been Billy Graham or Pat Robertson or Jerry Falwell, but Dan Rathers, Peter Jennings, and Tom Brokaw. Because in times of crisis, we now turn to them to hear that everything will be all right.”

Support the Secular Coalition of America

not written by Bruce Whitehill — taken from their website

The Secular Coalition for America is a 501(c)4 advocacy organization whose purpose is to amplify the diverse and growing voice of the nontheistic community in the United States. We are located in Washington, D.C. for ready access to government, activist partners and the media. Our staff lobbies U.S. Congress on issues of special concern to our constituency.

Our member organizations are established 501(c)3 nonprofits who serve atheists, agnostics, humanists, freethinkers and other nontheistic Americans. Their purpose in founding the coalition was to formalize a cooperative structure for visible, unified activism to improve the civic situation of citizens with a naturalistic worldview. A number of additional organizations have endorsed our mission statement.

While the Coalition was created expressly by and for nontheistic Americans, we also enthusiastically welcome the participation of religious individuals who share our view that freedom of conscience must extend to people of all faiths and of none. Accordingly, our staff works in cooperation with a variety of other organizations and coalitions where common ground exists on specific issues, and our e-mail Action Alert system is open to all who visit our site.

The Secular Coalition for America holds that freedom of conscience, including religious freedom, is a fundamental American value as evidenced by the fact that this is the first freedom protected in the Bill of Rights. Freedom of conscience is best guaranteed by protecting and strengthening the secular character of our government. Religious tolerance, a necessary product of this freedom, must be extended to people of all religions and to those without religious beliefs.

The Secular Coalition for America is committed to promoting reason and science as the most reliable methods for understanding the universe and improving the human condition. Informed by experience and inspired by compassion, we encourage the pursuit of knowledge, meaning, and responsible ethical codes without reference to supernatural forces. We affirm the secular form of government as a necessary condition for the interdependent rights of religious freedom and religious dissent. We come together as national freethought organizations to cooperate in areas of mutual interest and to support each other in our efforts to uphold separation between government and religion for the benefit of all within the nontheistic community. As resources allow, we will actively cooperate in projects that support our position, with priority given to political action initiatives and public relations opportunities.

Visit the Secular Coalition online.

 

What is SOPA/PIPA all about

January 19, 2012: Two pieces of copyright infringement legislation are pending both in the House of Representatives and in the US Senate – the Stop Online Piracy Act (SOPA) and the Protect Intellectual Property Act (PIPA). In a nutshell, both bills attempt to make it easier to shut off access to content that is alleged to be copyright infringing. This may not sound as a bad idea, but we believe that as drafted, SOPA and PIPA will give the US government unseen power to censor the information on the web for the whole world and we believe that if accepted and applied these laws have a strong potential to change the Internet for worse by taking away what we all love it for – the freedom of speech.

In a recent development leadership in the House of Representatives has indicated that SOPA will not be coming up for a vote anytime soon which is a small victory itself for the whole Internet community. On the other hand however, PIPA, the Senate counterpart bill to SOPA, has 90% of the problems SOPA has and is very much alive, and very much a threat which is why we should keep voicing our strong opposition and do our best to stop the bill.